The Close of Another Month

Well the shortest month of the year has come to a quick close. I learned a lot about myself this month. So I decided to dedicate an entire post to what I learned this month:

I learned that trying to read the book of mormon in 28 days is impossible if you get behind three days. I never re-caught up and so thus did not finish the book, but I have great aspirations for this next month.

I learned that sometimes the only way to learn is to fail and fail again.

I learned that you should be very careful what you read in Barns&Noble because if its a book on dating and a guy comes and talks to you its going to be slightly awkward.

I learned that when I am sick, I apparently look good enough to get invited to a modeling audition. I'll let ya'll know how that goes ;)

I learned that sometimes shorter is better especially when dealing with family.

I learned that sometimes the Lord puts people in your path that you need to meet in order to grow and be the best YOU, you can be. Sometimes this person comes as a stranger you meet on a plane ride, and the only reason you meet them is because the brake lines have a leak on your plane and you get an hour and half lay over. Always be greatful for the adventures in everyday.

I learned that babies are beautiful and so tiny they really are straight from God. This is a shout-out to Martilyn's baby Rachel if you haven't seen her go and see her because she is beautiful. I still can't believe how tiny she is. And for the record I was the third person to see her on her birthday!

I learned that life is often times a cold place to be, but that is why we have friends and family. They keep us warm and battling against Murphy and the downfalls that happen all the time.

I learned that hope is the most AMAZING emotion humans are privy to feel. Hope is what gets people through wars both physically, mentally, and spiritually. Hope can be shattered into a million pieces and bounce back bigger and stronger than before.

I learned that job interviews are all about bluffing people into choosing you. It's like the ultimate game of dodgeball and everyone is picking teams. You want to be picked but you also want to win, so being picked by the winning team is ideal, but doesn't always happen. P.S. I am still looking for a job so if you know of anything let me know.

I learned that USU basketball is a great place to find a backbone, along with a friend to help prop you up while you find said backbone.

I learned that not seeing your best friend for over two weeks is INCREDIBLY hard! As a girl you gotta have your best friend! One that tells pirate jokes and laughs at the same things you think are funny. Who thinks like you think. Because at the end of the day you need to look people in the eye and say at least she thinks I am funny.

I learned that less is more in dating. If you try to hard or want to help someone too much it just makes, you the giver, feel bad. Best to just keep your self a tad aloof/mysterious and let the chips fall where they may.

I learned to always say I love you to the ones that really matter because one day they may not understand you or know who you are and you NEVER want to look back and think or regret not saying I love you to someone.

I learned that Mom's are amazing, I mean I knew this before but really mom's are amazing. They are there to help you get out of bad situations, they know about medicines, and recipes, and how to get stains out of clothes. They know all the best ways to make people feel happy and they are also willing to help you when your sick. MOM'S ARE AMAZING!!

So in this very short month I learned a lot of good lessons. I am hoping that soon I will be one step closer to finding out what I want to do with my life. Until next month...

Today...

Today I had a lot of time to think and with that came a whirlwind of thoughts the most dominate however was what if people just said what they ment or how they really felt. Would it really be so bad? I mean then you would never have to spend time thinking what is he/she/they thinking and why, because you would know. What are we afraid of? Is it really the unknown because if you knew you would no longer have to worry or think about the issue anymore. Maybe knowing exactly what people thought of you all the time would be difficult and often times it would probably be mean, but maybe we would all be different if we all knew that the stranger next to you was really going to tell you if you looked ridiculous in an orange pea coat purple jeans and yellow rain boots. Or another example a job interview you go in, start talking, and before you leave the company gives you an answer,because lets me honest people the majority of the time we know whether the person interviewing is the right fit or not within the first few minutes. So why the drama of letting them hold on to the hope that they might be chosen? Why does hope hurt so much when its dashed? How many times have we found ourselves picking up the shattered pieces of hope with tears streaming down our faces? I spend a lot of time now-a-days hoping, hoping for new job postings, hoping that today I might get an interview with one of the 100s of places I have applied to, hoping that my friends remember me, hoping that I am making the right choices in life, hoping that later when I look back on my life I won't regret the choices that I have made. But mainly, realistically, just hoping. The miraculous thing about hope is that it seems to be constantly mended and reshaped. People who have nothing to hope for or are pessimistic about everything repel people like skunk spray. But if we really stopped to think on how resilient hope is perhaps we could pass on our knowledge to the few less fortunate whose hope seems to be lacking.

Dropping out of grad school has given me a lot of time to stew and to self reflect. It has also given me a lot of hours of silence. And anyone who truly knows me will know that silence is something I strive very hard not to venture into. It makes me nervous. There is a famous philosopher, and this is me wishing I remembered his name, said that the reason we rely on so many distractions ipods, cell phones, the radio, chatter, video games ect. is that we are afraid of our own silence. We are in essence afraid of our own selves. Our own minds even. Being afraid of my own silence is funny but very relevant. I live in a world were ignorance is bliss, what you don't know can't hurt you. Its naive and illogical but I love it because it provides me with a safety that is dissipating in society. Now before you get too excited about ignorance, its not on big issues i.e. race, religion, abortion ect. its on a personal sense. I keep myself ignorant to things that I feel like I don't want to come into my life. I realize that is basically the definition of ignorance but we all have to honestly admit that their are things in this world that have no place in our lives. They neither make us a better person or help us grow and learn from them. It is to this ignorance that I refer to, everyone has this is their lives and it is this ignorance that provides me with a safety that I enjoy.

On a much lighter note the Utah State Aggies play tomorrow on ESPN ( I believe) at 10 MST and you should all watch because if nothing else the student body will be entertaining.